stupidest things you have ever heard during a session

http://gearslutz.com/board/showthread.php3?t=26430

Zitat

My favorite one is me talking to a guitar player that I referred to as "Noodles" because he noodled over everything. He plays a Strat...

Me: Try it with the neck pick-up please

Noodles: ...blank stare...

Me: Try the neck pick-up I think it will blend well on this song

Noodles: ...Huh?

Me: Switch to the neck pick-up please.

Noodles: I have no idea what you mean.

Me: See these things here, those are you pick-ups, I'd like to hear this one (as I touch the neck pick-up).

Noodles: ...blank stare...

Me: This switch changes which pick-up is being used...(Then I explained ---very slowly---how a Strat pick-up switch works)

Noodles: I thought that switched the strings.

Me: ...blank stare...

RUNNER UP:

Drummer after soundcheck playback

Drummer: I don't like that kick drum sound.

Me: OK, what type of tone do you want?

Drummer: I don't want to answer that.

Alles anzeigen

Zitat

Back in the good 'ol days when 24tk analogue was a luxury and most of us were working on 16tk, I remember a session where all 16 tracks were absolutely full up. Chock a block.
The Producer turns to the engineer and asks to set up for yet another overdub.
The engineer says that all tracks are full up and there is no room.
A crisp £20 note is waved in engineers face with the words:
"I'm sure there's something you can do..."

I do remember a certain famous guitarist wanting the Studer A800 pulled right up to the SSL to .... "cut down on the signal path as now the sound has less distance to travel".

Obviously he'd never tried to move one before.

Zitat

i was mixing a song and the singer told me he wanted me to make the track "sound like sex".

does anyone have any idea what piece of gear does that?

Zitat

Famous guitsteel player to me:

"You can EQ that reverb out of the song, right?"

Music director for a very bad choir that I recorded: "We'll put your name on the CD, and maybe it will help get you some business."

Me: "You REALLY shouldn't do that. REALLY!"

Und noch`n paar:

Zitat

I know a producer who once faked an entire string section, for an advert. Booked the studio, laid out the chairs, mic's, music stands, had the assistant leave some newspapers and coffee mugs out, etc...
Client turns up ... "Oh, you just missed the string section being recorded. It sounds great, check it out.."
Plays back pre-recorded synth string part, from a JV1080.
Client "Yeah, the real strings really help the warmth of the track!"
Producer included their fee as part of his invoice ....

Zitat

A pop filter is attached to the mic stand with no mic set up yet. Rapper asks while looking at the cheap ring of plastic with pantyhose on it: "is this mic expensive?"

He continues to put headphones on and does mic checks into the pop filter.

Zitat

A young chap (music director) wanting to impress everyone in the control room asked me to do this for the vocal track.....

Music director : Can you boost the 48khz on the vocals by about 3dbs?

Me: Sorry dude, don't you mean 480hz?

Music director: No! I want 3db more on the 48khz. Just give it to man!!!

Me (whispering) : Do you want dogs to hear this?

Zitat

I was tracking vocal tracks for a death metal band a couple of months ago..typical cookie monster tracks,, vocals sounded something like..*imagine this in very low, deep voice* rrrrrruuhh rrrrrgg fffrrrrhhhgg rrrrhhhuu *big breath* rrrrgg hhrrrrruuuhhrrr.. gghhhhrrrruurrch...

suddenly, singer stops, throws his hands in the air, and says...damn it!! I sang the wrong words!!

Zitat

the band was on take 15 or 20 of a song w/ a difficult beginning. they finally got the beginning right and, happily, kept going. the rhythm guitarist had a small break, so he waved 'hello' into the control room.

someone waved back and the band stopped playing.

Noch ne Runde:

Zitat

More from the silly side of things rather than the stupid side...

Female guitarist during tracking session to me: "Can you flange my Big Muff?"

Bass player over room mic: "Shouldn't you guys get a private room for that?"

Zitat

Perspective client calls:
Q:How much is studio time?
A: Fifty an hour.
Q:I have a five minute song I need to record, so that would be about 4 or 5 dollars, right?

Absolutely true, I swear.

Zitat

DRUMMER: "I want my drums to sound like cannons firing"

ME "Are you sure that would be appropriate for a traditional country song?"

DRUMMER "Hmmm, OK maybe more like gunshots".

Zitat

This one is local Nashville legend and it's true. All the names will be overlooked except the artist, one Tammy Faye Baker.

TFB on playback of completed track:

"What's that low thing?"

Producer: "What low thing?"

TFB: "I hear a low thing. What is that?"

Prod: "I don't know what you're hearing."

Several tense minutes are spent soloing and muting tracks, since this is a Nashville orchestra date with everyone live, there are plenty of tracks to check. Finally the engineer is getting down to the fundamentals. Mute the piano, mute the guitar, mute the drums.

TFB: "There! That low thing. I don't like it. I don't want it on my record."

Prod: "That's the bass guitar."

Alles anzeigen

Zitat

My co-producer, during a vocal session recently tracking "oohs", to the singers:

"Enter soft, then make it swell."

We were all so involved in the music It took a good 30 seconds for that to sink in before we all started snickering.